Comatose

--

[He’s slowly breaking every second you are not near. You have no time to realize it anymore, because you are too busy making new friends in New York to bother picking up a phone to see how he’s doing.

You’re already forgetting him, aren’t you?

It’s been a little over a month since you moved. You’ve been his super best friend since pre-school, and it’s been over 14 years that you’ve known him and been so close, and in just a little over a month, you’re already forgetting him this easy? Damn, that’s pretty fucked up, isn’t it?

Don’t you remember all the good times with him? All the times he’s saved your life, all the times he’s helped you through tough situations, all the times he knew exactly what you were thinking…and he said it was just because you’re super best friends. That was just a cover up, there was more to it then JUST that…

If you would’ve taken time to notice, you would realize he loves you. you would understand that he really will fall apart without you, and he’d even admit it if you asked. You would see that he wanted you to stay here with him, and that he’s so hurt and feels so betrayed, I can hardly stand it. I don’t see how he can…

You could call right now, and you would notice that he just isn’t the same without you, even in his voice alone. if you would’ve called the first day you moved, you would’ve  noticed it, even then.

He can’t feel anything except pain anymore. Pain that your gone, pain that you don’t care, pain that you don’t love him back…he told me that the only way to soothe the emotional pain is with physical pain. I’m talking, of course, about cutting.

His wrists look like hell. If you would visit him right now, you would notice that immediately. It’s all in the way he wears a long black hoodie that gives it away. you would demand he pull up his sleeves, because you know damn well what’s underneath but would still need to see it to believe it, because as miserable as he may have gotten at times, you would always convince him to not do anything stupid…

but this time, you weren’t here to stop him. You said you’d be with him forever, no matter what happens.

You broke your promise.

If you were here right now, the dull look in his usually glistening midnight blue eyes would make you cry, then hug him. You would want to take all the pain away. but then…

If you were here right now, he wouldn’t be like this, would he?

I bet your wondering how I know all this. I know…because…

Because he himself told me.]

--

it was Kenny who had been there with Stan all that time, and it hurt him to see his friend fall apart so quickly without Kyle. A month ago, he never would’ve seen this coming, but it was now that mattered, and ever since the fiery Jewish boy had moved a month ago, Stanley Marsh had gotten worse. Kenny was used to taking care of him, all the while wishing his friend would come back. But no amount of wishing would change what both the blonde and the raven-haired boy knew to be true in their hearts…

[Kyle isn’t coming back.]

The saddest part was knowing he couldn’t help him get through this like he knew Kyle could, because Stan was his friend and had been for longer than he could remember. He couldn’t stand seeing him like this. he hated when people he cared so much about were depressed, because it depressed him as well. In fact, he hated every second that he had to try to mend Stan’s wounds. but what could he do? He couldn’t really leave his side and LET him shatter completely, could he?

But even hanging out with him twenty four seven wasn’t enough to snap him out of this. Kyle really was his other half, his soul mate. Kenny loved Stan dearly and would be his best friend no matter what.

He would try to help him out of this, no matter what it took. He would even become his everything if it would snap him out of this. but even all of his effort wasn’t enough.

The blonde just couldn’t take Kyle’s place.

--

It was midnight in New York, and after 7 tries, Kyle finally answered, annoyed, pissed, and half-asleep. It didn’t help that the first word he woke up to was ‘penis’ either, but at least he knew for sure who he was talking to. [A/N: sorry, but imagine that. An annoyed Kyle answering the phone and Kenny saying ‘penis’ in a really serious tone. Lol… :} ahh, Kenny. No matter how serious the situation, he can always get in a small laugh…]

“what the fuck Kenny, what’s so goddamn important that you couldn’t wait until morning?”

“Stan just tried to kill himself and needs you. now.” Kenny answered, eerily calm.

At first, awkward silence. Then…

“no way—Stan wouldn’t do that. He’s too strong to get that depressed.”

“Ky, I don’t need your goddamn bullshit right now, okay?! I don’t know if he’s still important to you, but in his book, you’re still the closest person he has, and he REALLY needs his super bestest friend—rather you want to be here or not. You owe it to him!” He spat.

“I’m still his super bestest friend…” pause. “How soon do I need to be over there?”

“as soon as you can would be nice.” Kenny answered, impatient.

“I’ll be there.”

Kyle shook his head, then called out, “Ma, I have to get to South Park, now. Stan needs me. Can I have money for a plane ticket?

--
a few days later…

Stan was in his room, nothing in it but his bed. They even took away his razor blades, the bastards.

This past month, he felt nothing except pain, and even breathing was too happy for him.

He just wanted all of the pain to end. But because of goddamn Kenny saving him, it only got worse, and now he didn’t even have the comfort of his razor.

Cutting: he had tried it once to see if it really helped like everyone said it did, and soon it became like a drug; it was bad for him, he knew, but it was just so addicting and it felt so good to know something had the power to take away the hurt.

It helped a lot, but really…

it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted death. That was better than suffering, right? So why wouldn’t they let him get his goddamn happiness back?!

In those few hell-packed days of having nothing but his thoughts, he came up with a way to get what he wanted, no. needed. In his bathroom cabinet was a large bottle of sleeping pills. He had read somewhere that it was the least painful way to die, and it was worth a shot since he had nothing to lose.  

In fact, he had already lost it all the minute Kyle said he was moving; his happiness, his sanity, his common sense, his will to live. And he didn’t even have enough in him to tell Kyle he loved him. nothing in life was worth living in a corrupt, fake world without Kyle. He had figured that out a long time ago.

But being in love and expecting it to be as great as the media makes it out to be?

God. Damn. FAKE.

Just like he had become.

When he smiled to let Kenny know he was okay, that was fake. When he told his teachers that everything was just peachy? Fake.

But once he jumped the building and Kenny caught him, he couldn’t play pretend anymore. Though Kenny had promised he would never tell any of his secrets, this was just one promise he couldn’t keep.

[Of course. Nothing can be secret in this goddamn town!]

Really, he couldn’t blame him, because this was serious, and Kenny just cared about him. But it still was messed up that Kenny McCormick, the most trust worthy person he knew, broke his promise.

[If I can’t even trust Kenny, what hope is there?]

It wasn’t even the fact that he told that miffed Stan. It was that he told Butters, who was a big mouth and it was that one mistake that screwed up the raven haired boy’s life.

It wasn’t long until Cartman heard about the attempted suicide, and once he did…it was over.

Fatass told everyone he could, thinking it was some twisted, hilarious joke, and that’s when everyone opened their eyes and decided he needed to be saved.

He somehow knew this would happen, as much as he knew everyone would treat him different if they found out. He knew he would get special treatment, as if he were crippled or mentally challenged. In their eyes, he had a mental sickness and needed to be ‘happy.’

[Psh, if locking me in my room and taking everything away is supposed to make me happy… ]

He might as well have been in an insane asylum. It would be exactly the same. It was great to not have to play fake anymore, but he just didn’t want to be saved.  

At least, not by the people who wanted to. He knew they only wanted to save him because they cared and loved him, but he didn’t want them to care. He was a lost cause, and he just wanted to die and be forgotten….

Yet, the past month, he had been wishing Kyle would come and stop him from doing anything drastic.  

But that wasn’t going to happen, and he knew it. Kyle had forgotten him, and though he didn’t really want to end his life this soon, he also didn’t want to live in a world where Kyle didn’t even remember he still existed…

He bit his lip until it bled, afraid for what he was about to do, but he didn’t even notice the pain. He was now prepared to end all the torment. It was weird, but only one thought crossed his mind;

[It’s time to see if they were right.]

He took a deep breath, then headed to his bathroom cabinet, and pulled out the pill bottle. Who knew something that was meant to help you could be you’re death just as easy? He blinked back his tears, then popped off the lid.

This was it. No more pain. No more cutting. No more suffering.

[And no more missing Kyle.]

He closed his eyes, then he quickly consumed the bottle in less then a minute. Immediately, he started to feel drowsy.

He entered his room, wanting to sit down and stop the world from spinning around him, and instead gasped at what he was seeing.

Though his vision was blurry, he always knew when Kyle was around. His friend was sitting on his bed, nervously messing with the zipper on his jacket. Stan sat next to the smaller boy, pulling him into a hug. “K-Kyle? What are you doing here? I thought you forgot me…”

he only had one chance to tell him how he always had felt, and now was that moment, because he was dying and soon his chance would be missed. He nervously tugged at his sleeves, then finished what he was saying. “…but even if you had,  I want you to know that I always loved you, Kyle. No matter what.”

It came out so slurred, he barely understood what he had said himself and didn’t get how Kyle did.

He lowered his eyes to the floor, barely noticing that Kyle’s eyebrows were furrowed deeply in confusion. It was exactly one minute later that he widened his eyes in shock as he felt both of those warm, pale hands on both sides of his face, then a pressure against his lips.

Kyle was kissing him.

He couldn’t help but moan; this was what he had wanted for so damn long. He could feel his own hands moving to Kyle’s head, raking through his thick auburn hair. After what felt like an eternity, Kyle pulled away. his eyes were mere slits, and clouded with lust, softness, confusion, guilt, and a little bit of hurt.

Kyle was still hugging him tightly, running his fingers through his stiletto black hair. [A/N: that’s what color my hair is :}] usually, he hated it when anyone did that, particularly his mom, because it felt like they thought he was a puppy. But it actually calmed him down this time. Kyle took a deep sigh and began softly speaking;

“ I always loved you too, Stan. I was scared to tell you. I was scared to talk to you, because I figured you would go on and on about how happy you were with Wendy again, and I couldn’t take that. I was stupid and selfish. I wish that I told you sooner so we could’ve been together…I didn’t want to get hurt, and I definitely didn’t want to hurt you…but I did…and I’m really sorry.”

Stan pulled himself out of the warm embrace, and softly shook his head, tears stinging in his eyes. “ it’s a bit late for that Kyle.” He scoffed sadly, feeling his heart break. The tears slid down his face, and he closed his eyes, wincing.  

[Goddamn it, why can’t I stop crying for him?]

Kyle nodded sadly. “I understand.” He started to get up and leave, but Stanley grabbed his hand, and signaled him to sit back down.

He sighed, knowing what he was about to admit would upset his best friend. As much as he hated to see hurt clouded over those pretty green eyes, he had to tell him. He was keeping too many secrets, and he wanted to fix their friendship while he still had the chance. Trust was the first step.

“I did something stupid, Kyle.” He tenderly said, pulling his jacket off. It took a minute for Kyle to register what was going on, and suddenly…everything was so real. He had a shitload of cuts. “why, Stan?” he moaned, shocked.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t take it without you. I thought you had left me forever.” he whispered. “please, I don’t want you to go. Will you hold me for a while?” he asked. Kyle didn’t understand why, but one look at Stan’s begging eyes told him he had to fulfill his wish. After all, he always gave in because of those blue eyes before, so why would now be different?

There was an awkward silence, and Stan could feel the affect of the overdose. He could hardly breathe now, but he wanted to talk to Kyle for as long as he could before he was gone forever. He wanted to stare deep into those cosmic green eyes one final time.

“Kyle…I’m dying. I don’t want to go this young, but cutting wasn’t the only stupid thing I did…” Stan mumbled, voice barely above a whisper. As soon as the shock set in, Kyle began to sob uncontrollably. He didn’t want to hear this. he didn’t want this to happen, he didn’t want to see this boy that he had been so close to forever die!

“hey…Ky…” he interrupted the others’ thoughts. his words were now coming out slow and breathless. “ yeah?” Kyle wept gently, holding Stan closer and tighter. “do you…remember…when we used to…always say ‘I love you’ to each other …and then when we were 12, it stopped…because we said it in front of Cartman…and he called us fags…but one day…I…asked you if you…ever missed those times…and you said…’yeah. I never wanted it to stop in the first place’…I think that was the minute…that I knew for sure that I was…in love with you.” even after confessing this, Stan still couldn’t look away from those mesmerizing eyes.

Kyle smiled gently, although it was laced with sadness. “ I remember…that was the minute I knew you were the one I’d be in love with forever.” Stan smiled back, and unlike every other fake smile that past month…this one was real. Kyle always could cheer him up.

“ I love you, Ky.” His last words came out in a murmur, and a second later, he coughed out blood before closing his eyes. He was forever gone…

Kyle kissed his lovers lips one final time, despite the blood that had poured a few seconds before, because it didn’t matter to him. His tears flowed harsh, even more so then before, and he couldn’t stop.  “I love you too, Stanley…” He sobbed miserably. He held the dark-haired boy close before reaching in his own jacket to pull out a pocket knife he always carried. Stan had gotten it for him, for his 10th birthday. He slid it open, looking deep at the silver blade before he stabbed himself in the chest, blood immediately staining it.

His eyes opened wide for a second before going blank and closing to mere slits. They always did everything together, so dying together only made sense. Finally, they were in each others arms, where they belonged. He smiled a bit at his last thought, knowing he was right. The damage set in, and his lungs felt like they were about to collapse. Taking his last painful breath, blood spilling out of his mouth…

--

Kyle awoke with a piercing shriek at that moment.

He was glad to see his mom hadn’t heard, because she would be pissed and ask him what he had dreamt, and he didn’t want to talk about it. he didn’t understand why he had a nightmare like that, but it really had scared him. He was sweating hard, and he looked around to see if he was in his own room.

[That’s  ridiculous, Stan would never do that...]

Yet, it had felt so real… and he was worried. What if it wasn’t a dream? What if he was  in a dark hospital room right at that moment. Everytime he dreamt something that felt real, it usually turned out to be. There was only one way to find out…

Once he could breathe again, he picked up his cell and dialed Stan’s number, hot tears pouring down his cheeks.

“hello? Oh my god, I’m glad to hear your voice, dude! …Yeah, I’m okay…well, now I am. I just had a really bad dream…Sorry I woke you up….Well, talk to you tomorrow…

I love you too, Stan.”

--
AN: OMG didn’t see that coming, did you?! sorry about this, but the fucked up thing is the reason I wrote this is because I had a dream where this exact thing happened. O_O I hope it shocked you, made you cry, and in case you didn’t know…all of it was a dream except the ending. Um, I hope you don’t hate it too much, and I realize it’s kinda tragic and mushy toward the end. Sorry, it’s a bad habit to make it mushy…I think I might make a manga type thing out of this…what do you think? comment, plz…[this note is REALLY long.]